I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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