You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
