I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Randomize
