i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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