Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
