Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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