ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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