I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
