She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
