well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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