I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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