So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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