Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
