3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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