my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We don't watch enough power rangers
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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