24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
