I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
