he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
