Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
