Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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