she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Last time i carry you out of a forest
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
