it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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