i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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