I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
