Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
