The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
