I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
