I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
