It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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