Your tits are I can't wait for
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
