He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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