sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
BRING THE BAGELS
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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