A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
