i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
