Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I understand Curling. That high.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
