Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
