This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
