hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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