I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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