Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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