I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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