I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
