Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
