The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
