How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
