somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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