The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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