so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
