mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
