hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
be right there i have to get my cape
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
