Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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