I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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