Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
