Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
