Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
