Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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