i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
